“Separate, But, Indeed, Never Apart...”

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield (American Comedian, 1921 - 2004

Since its origins in our family in 1995, our Seder table has become a metaphorical tapestry our lives… as an immediate family, and, importantly, as extended-family of friends.

Over the past 15 years, each of us as individuals and as couples have experienced periods of joyful celebration and, at times, tearful sorrow.

Such is the balance of life… joy and sorrow define each other. There cannot be one, without the other.

However, within this cyclic ebb and flow of emotions there is one major constant. One enduring force that helps nurture and sustain us irrespective of our circumstances… we have each other. Our relationships.

Family, friend, ‘kibbutz’, partner, or a hybrid, it’s the same.

In harmony with the balance of life, so true is the nature of relationships.

The author, – Tom Robbins said, “When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising.

This can go on and on--serial polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment.

Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” Robbins quote goes directly to the foundational dynamics of any healthy relationship.

Self-Fulfillment. Liking and loving ourselves. Our internal sense of “friend”.

We here, as family and friends, have laughed, danced, hugged, cried, yelled, screamed, cursed, and, at times, simply gone quiet.

When things are turbulent, we are there for each other. Always. My Godchild & nephew Griffin’s upcoming Bar Mitzvah Torah reading of B’Har speaks directly of this and gives great specificity as what it is to be a mensch. It speaks clearly of the laws of shmitta—an ideal of social justice that culminates in the concept of joyous celebration. A vision of a Utopian Sabbath. A state in which all debts are forgiven, salves are freed, and the land is restored to its rightful owners.

In our world of family and friends, we do for each other… simply because it is correct. The right thing. What a mensch does. There is no—”you owe me.”

We create our own shmitta.

And when things between us grow still… the reasons unimportant… there can reflection. We separate, but never part.

There can be no reflection in turbulent waters. Throw a pebble in a pond and try to look at yourself. It may be you but not recognizable. You are simply not yourself.

You may Separate, but, indeed, are never Apart...
From yourself.
From your spouse.
From your family.
From your partner.
From your friends.

And then, in stillness, heal and re-establish intimacy.

Intimacy is not a static moment like a statue but a reciprocal and dynamic movement like a dance.

And, when we are aligned with our deepest values, and true sense of intimacy, and have the courage to express these in every aspect of our lives, work and relationships… we are at our most powerful… our most inspiring… and our most useful to ourselves… and to others.

We have achieved an “ideal”.

Elusive, yes; illusory, no.

Intimate friendships.
Those at our Seder table.

"Well it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who is just a friend... is suddenly the only person you can imagine yourself with." - Gillian Anderson, Actress

Happy Pesach my friends!